It’s healthy to have standards, but when those standards veer too far into the realm of unrealistic, they can become harmful. If you’re constantly rejecting people because they don’t fit an image in your head, it might be time to check your standards.
While it’s important to know your deal breakers and nonnegotiables, you also need to be open to other possibilities. Take a look at these nine signs you have too high standards.
Are you comparing yourself to others?
Unhealthy social comparison is a vicious cycle that can be hard to break. Whether it’s keeping up with the “Joneses” at work or trying to be as successful as your friend, constantly envying others can have a negative impact on your life.
If you find yourself regularly overanalyzing every woman who crosses your path, it’s a good sign that your standards are too high. It may also mean that you haven’t spent enough time identifying your own values, and are instead using what other people do or have as a measuring stick.
Try making a list of your own strengths, achievements, and gifts. Then, identify what’s most important to you in a relationship—and make sure those are your non-negotiables (such as religious beliefs or family values). Anything more is simply a preference. Then, focus on what makes you unique and special. It will help you stop comparing yourself to others, and find the right guy for you.
Are you putting too much pressure on yourself?
While having standards in dating is a good thing, when you start refusing to date anyone that doesn’t meet your criteria, it’s time to lower your expectations. Not only does this put pressure on you, but it also deprives the women you date of their right to bring their best selves to the table.
This can be caused by a variety of things, such as unrealistic expectations or unprocessed pain from the past. It can also be a result of needing too much comfort and security from others.
Another sign that you are putting too much pressure on yourself is when your “list” of criteria includes non-negotiables or deal breakers. Examples of this include: the way he looks, his job, or background. This is especially problematic if you are trying to be equally yoked.
Are you putting too much pressure on your partner?
The key is to make sure your standards are reasonable. Generally speaking, they should reflect what you’re offering as a partner and what you want in a relationship.
This means taking the time to think about the specific qualities you’re looking for in a partner. For example, if you’re insisting on finding a university educated man with a minimum of 10 stamps in his passport, then you may be putting too much pressure on him.
It’s also important to not treat your preferences as deal-breakers. For example, if you’re refusing to date someone because they don’t share the same religious beliefs, or listen to Metallica instead of Taylor Swift, this could be an indication that your expectations are too high. You don’t have to lower your standards, but perhaps take love a little more slowly and be open to what comes your way. This can really help you avoid a lot of heartache down the line.
Are you being too picky?
It’s healthy to have standards when it comes to dating, especially when they are based on things that matter most to you. However, if you are refusing to date someone because they don’t meet your standards for how they look, what kind of job they have, or how much money they make, then you may be being too picky.
It’s also a sign of being too picky if you overthink each and every woman who shows up on your radar. This means you are focusing on the negatives instead of embracing the good qualities about them.
Over time, you may start to see some of your standards as deal breakers instead of preferences, such as not wanting to date a convicted murderer or someone who abuses drugs. If this happens, you will begin to rule out a lot of people, which isn’t fair to them or to you. Instead, focus on the positives and work on lowering your standards for those traits that you aren’t willing to compromise on.