Building a long-term relationship with a transgender woman comes with its own unique challenges. Whether it’s accessing mental health support, relationship counselling or addressing discrimination and stigma.
Trying to objectify their bodies or medical history is uncomfortable and inappropriate. Treat your transgender partner like a person, not an information hub.
Know the Difference
Many trans women can experience distress or discomfort around particular aspects of their bodies. This can include their genitals, breasts and other areas and it’s important to ask your partner what they feel comfortable with.
It’s also important to not objectify or make sexualisations of transgender women. For example, saying things like ‘you have great blowjobs’ could be seen as a form of objectification and can cause hurt.
It’s also important to remember that consent is a crucial aspect of any relationship and it must be given freely. You shouldn’t force your partner into anything or do things without their express consent. If you’re worried about this, it might be helpful to talk it through with your date and try to find a way that works for you both. Many transgender women have experienced discrimination, abuse and violence in their lives and these kinds of experiences can leave scars. Some men may find they can’t work past this, but that doesn’t mean they should hide it from everyone else.
Respect Her Sexuality
Some trans women might feel uncomfortable with their bodies or experiences in a way that others can’t understand. This can be especially true when it comes to sex. Don’t assume that your woman wants to have sex with you, and always respect her choice.
Many straight people think that transgender women are only interested in having sex with men, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Transgender women are just as likely to have sex with other trans women or other people of the same gender.
Some trans women may experience dysphoria around certain parts of their body, including genitals. Ask them if they’re comfortable with you touching these areas, and respect their wishes. If they don’t want you to touch them in these ways, that’s fine – it’s their body. They’re not a piece of furniture to be moved around. They’re a person who deserves to be treated with respect, no matter how they look or what they like to do.
Have Her Back
It’s important to be an ally and support her as she navigates the trans community. That means being there for her if she’s dealing with discrimination or abuse, and helping her find ways to combat those experiences on her own terms.
Likewise, be aware of the impact your actions can have on her mental health. For example, if you’re nervous about introducing her to your friends or family, think about why that may be and how she might feel.
Ultimately, it’s not your place to judge her or her decisions. It’s also not your place to tell her how to identify, as that’s something she must decide for herself. Just be a respectful, loving partner and get to know her as a person, not because she’s transgender. This is what makes her beautiful.
Respect Her Identity
A trans woman should be treated as a person, regardless of how you view her body or sexuality. Trans women should be able to live their lives as the gender they choose without being subjected to prejudice, distress, violence and victimization because of their non-conforming bodies or experiences.
Many transgender women can be open about their transitioning journey, allowing you to learn more about them. However, it’s important to avoid asking personal questions about their medical history or genitals. It can be incredibly offensive and is not necessary in order to understand their experience.
Be sure to use their preferred pronouns, and don’t be afraid to look up information on their journey online. But please, don’t tell them they are passing — it is harmful to imply that trans people should be cis men or women in order to be valid. This can lead to dysphoria.