Femme bottom, or fag bottom as it’s often called, is a term used by lesbians and nonbinary people to describe someone who presents in a feminine manner. It can refer to a cis woman, transwoman, gender-nonconforming person, or anyone who presents in this way.
These terms can be a little confusing, but they are generally used to describe someone’s sexual preferences, level of dominance, role in their relationships, etc. They are becoming more prevalent amongst queer people on TikTok.
Definition
For queers, the term femme bottom is a way of identifying a receptive sexual role. This can include oral sex, BDSM, or role-playing sex. The bottom’s preference for receiving versus giving external stimulation can vary widely, depending on the context and the power dynamics involved in an encounter.
One of the most interesting aspects of this study was that while most bottoms expressed a strong interest in both receiving and giving sex, there was a strong preference for receiving over giving when it came to penetration-related activities such as oral sex or BDSM. This is a stark contrast to the dominant assumptions in culture at large, which sees top and bottom solely as a way of choosing who gets to lead during penetrative sex. It is important to recognize this difference when navigating sex with your partner, as it can affect the type of sex and power dynamic that you experience together. This is why it’s so important to listen to your sub and make sure that they are comfortable with the type of sex that you want to engage in together!
Characteristics
A femme bottom is a woman who identifies as both a top and a bottom. They are able to switch between the two roles, often during one sexual encounter. They can be more dominant or submissive.
The characteristics that make a woman a femme bottom include centering, independence, and desire for external stimulation. These traits may seem similar to those of traditional heterosexual women, but a femme bottom differs from them in that their desires and autonomy are central to their feminine identity, as opposed to being an aspect of their masculinity.
The characteristics of a femme bottom aren’t limited to their bedroom behavior; they can also be found in other areas of life, such as relationships with others. Identifying the characteristics of a femme bottom is important for understanding their identity and preferences in kink, BDSM, and sex. It’s important to communicate and listen to your sub and to respect their decisions about what they want and how they can get it.
Preferences
Whether you’re a diesel dyke or a high femme, if you prefer to top or bottom in bed, you have more control over the way your relationship develops than you might think. It’s important to be flexible and open depending on how your partner is feeling, their sexuality and level of dominance.
While some MSM rely on socially constructed stereotypes of tops and bottoms to guide their sexual decisions (Moskowitz & Hart, 2011), others may be choosing a position simply because they find it more pleasurable physically. For example, YGM who preferred versatility found both positions and power dynamics equally satisfying, suggesting that they were not necessarily reliant on gendered concepts to inform their decision-making. In addition, some YGM were less willing to engage in role-play scenarios or sexy talk during casual encounters, which indicates that they are more likely to focus on physical characteristics when determining their sexual preferences. These findings suggest that MSM’s sexual behaviors are shaped by their cultural understanding of gender roles and that these concepts affect how they make and interpret their relationships with partners.
Misconceptions
There are a lot of misconceptions associated with femme bottom. These can be a result of media portrayals, or simply a misguided understanding of sexual preference and gender roles. In a few cases, these assumptions can actually hurt bisexual men in particular. For instance, some people assume that all butch women are lesbians. And while this might be true for some women, it can still make men who are cisgender feel uncomfortable when they come across feminine people.
This is not to say that all butch or feminine people who identify as gay are bad, and it’s important for everyone to be aware of these assumptions. The best way to avoid these misunderstandings is to be honest with others about your sexual preferences and understand that these are not rules, but guidelines. While it’s not always possible to completely break from these social norms, it is often easier to accept someone who has a different approach than you do.